I just dropped my son off at college. He snarled at me most of the way , denying any sense of unease or anxiety , yet he yearns to remain at his old school . They won’t accept him to do his chosen subjects because he didn’t ‘ meet the grades’ , I don’t want him to go back anyway, there are some seriously dysfunctional leadership teachers at his school. Well 1! But she is interim Head Teacher , so pretty significant . She loathes my son with all of her being. She is so utterly non- suited to teaching young people it’s almost funny. So , I want to push him into the world , a new place, a new start. A place of maturity , where you need to take responsibility for your own work and motivation. I think that’s what he needs. Both my son and I have a diagnosis of ADHD. I am still in a place of contempt for this diagnosis , I think it’s a diagnosis of the modern era , to allow those who don’t fit into the stream of life to have a reason ; a label. To be accepted. I think it’s just a different type of brain that we have. We thrive on energy , we need things to be fast and intense or frankly fuck off. But the world doesn’t approve. Well the world can fuck off too.
I just lift my son up to the universe ; the light , and ask that it guide him on his journey. Let him shake off the strangulated confines of British schooling and let him breathe. Create a pathway that allows for a man-child with such intensity and desire ; channel it with the love and expertise that is certainly lacking from the teachers who just see the ‘ league tables ‘ .
I didn’t start writing this post to be about this. I was going to write on my desire and parallel fear of moving house, moving county . I think however, that,
perhaps there is a parallel between by son’s fear of moving from school to college and my own fear of moving away from all that I have ever know. There is safety in the known , but maybe I should heed my own ideas for my son, in the unknown there is surprise, growth , freedom & a newness that I crave.