Autumn Fears

I just dropped my son off at college.  He snarled at me most of the way , denying any sense of unease or anxiety ,  yet he yearns to remain at his old school .  They won’t accept him to do his chosen subjects  because he didn’t ‘ meet the grades’   ,  I don’t want him to go back anyway,   there are some seriously dysfunctional leadership teachers at his school.  Well 1!   But she is interim Head Teacher , so pretty significant .  She loathes my son with all of her being.  She is so utterly non- suited to teaching young people it’s almost funny.   So ,  I want to push him into the world ,   a new place,   a new start.  A place of maturity , where you need to take responsibility for your own work and motivation.   I think that’s what he needs.   Both my son and I have a diagnosis of ADHD.   I am still in a place of contempt for this diagnosis ,  I think it’s a diagnosis of the modern era , to allow those who don’t fit into the stream of life  to have a reason  ;  a label.    To be accepted.   I think  it’s just a different type of brain that we have.   We thrive on energy ,   we need things to be fast and intense or frankly fuck off.   But the world doesn’t approve.  Well the world can fuck off too.

I just lift my son up to the universe ;  the light ,  and ask that it guide him on his journey.    Let him shake off the strangulated confines of British schooling and let him breathe.  Create a pathway that allows for a man-child with such  intensity and desire ;  channel it with the love and expertise that is certainly lacking from the teachers who just see the ‘ league tables ‘  .

I didn’t start writing this post to be about this.   I was going to write on my desire and parallel fear of  moving house,  moving county .    I think however,  that,

perhaps there is a parallel between by son’s fear of moving from school to college and my own fear of moving away from all that I have ever know.    There is safety in the known ,   but maybe I should heed my own ideas for my son,   in the unknown there is surprise, growth , freedom & a newness that I crave.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s