Toxicity

Toxicity.

I experienced a strange shift this week. I made some  reasonably small but significant decisions which produced for me comfort and peace.  There were  some residual feelings of guilt & anxiety for the predicted effect of those decisions , but the overriding feelings were satisfaction & relief.  I realised that I spent an enormous amount of energy pleasing people –   mainly thought energy ,  ‘what would I say if they said this’ , ‘how could I explain that ‘,   or ‘I could go there and that would be a way of being a friend ‘..   And that the reasons for this is because I am stuck in my insecurities of needing to liked ,  wanting to be seen as lovely , needing inclusion .   Well ,  I just got a whole load of   ‘  Power of Now’  delivered to my door.  I woke up and realised I am running on an old script. So it is slowly getting ripped.   Just like when you tear documents up ;   as  the level of tearing accumulates  ,  the papers slowly lose their ability to ever be put back together.

Toxicity comes from within and the world,  it’s how you defend both lands which leads to your ultimate state of being happy; at peace.

As I become increasingly more attuned to myself and the beauty of the moment ,  the world seems to go faster and faster.   Mothers are running on exam results , colleagues are running on academic prowess , people in general are flooding the world with chaos.

It really doesn’t matter.

Slow the fuck down and look at the place you are right now.    Go take a walk in the woods  and listen to the hum of the Universe.

nature forest trees fog
Photo by Jaymantri on Pexels.com

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