I have never felt like killing myself . Ever.

My husband sent me a message today saying that for the first time in his life,  he felt like killing himself.   He’s nearly 60.   I have never felt like killing myself . Ever.   But perhaps one day ,   there will be a time when it just all feels like too much effort.

I work with people who cope with thoughts like this on a daily basis.   Imagine thinking about wanting to die at least once a day?

Anyway,  some TLC is needed for my OH,  he’s facing his 60th ,  he has to commute at least 3 hours every day & he hates his job.  He said today ,  that he thought he was a man who could pretty much deal with anything and just get on with life.   He sounded beaten.   Addiction,  debt,   old shame and trauma, grief & low self esteem , job dissatisfaction , separation , loss of youth ,  must contribute to most peoples’ lives in some way ,  tainting our ability to grow and experience joy.   But when these sorts of issues come tumbling out the crisp  November sky  it can floor  even the hardest Scotsman.    I wanted to tell him that I have booked a surprise trip to Prague for his birthday in February ,   I knew this would cheer him up ,  but I so want to keep it till the last minute for full effect,  so I kept my tongue.   But ,  living in the now.   I said to him,    we have a house,  warm bed,   we can credit card some presents ,  it’s not the end of the world.

grayscale photography of human skull
Photo by ahmed adly on Pexels.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s