I applied for a new job this week. I admit I am deeply anxious at the thought of change, at leaving a safe, comfortable environment. Another part of me is excited, anticipating new things, new lap top, new phone, new places to cover , new concepts. New team. The unknown place is where many don’t dare to tread. It would be very easy to stay. There are lots of reasons to stay . But then , how would I know where the path leads if I don’t go and have a look?
Anyway , I have to get shortlisted first. I am reasonably confident about this , but hey , you never really do know. Sometimes these NHS posts are already ear marked for somebody else. They say it all depends on the interview and the points and the essential skills .. But I am not so sure.
So , now I wait. I wait to see if I get selected. Then I have to wait for the interview , then I have to wait to see if I get the job and then I have to wait to leave! That’s a lot of waiting. Normally that waiting is good for my soul. Waiting for something often invigorates me , it ignites my desire to know. So , this is a good thing. If I don’t get it , then I can settle comfortably back into my lovely role and quietly lick my wounds , if I do , well then I have some energy to thrive on for a while. New energy . I have a pattern of leaving somewhere as I become particularly proficient and able. I like to think that this is because I need stimulation & challenge. I do think this is true , but at the heart of it, I wonder whether I like to be the baby. The new one , who needs nurturing and care. The one who doesn’t have to know everything. This certainly becomes harder as you move up grades, you have less scope for not knowing !
But it will be the second time that I leave a Team that I love. And that will be hard. But I have learnt that this precedes growth. Actually , staying safely where I am for the last 4 years has been a good tactic. One that I didn’t intend. But I think it has granted me a certain kudos. Longevity , cementation of skill. But I don’t want to be boxed onto one shelf. And there is always the safety of thought that you can whisper to yourself , ‘ you can always return , it would be easy enough ‘ but returning is never wise… But hey , I , as usual get ahead of myself. Let’s get shortlisted first huh?!