Freedom and fluidity

Last night I watched Dr Brian Cox presenting on the planet Jupiter.  It really made me feel small.  The world suddenly became tiny and insignificant.    Yet it also helped me to really start to fathom what I believe and consequently don’t believe.   I spent many years as a Christian.   A zealous one at points,   and I would have said with great passion when watching something like that , that it just reflected  the enormity and glory of God.     Now I just think that the way Jesus is portrayed makes a mockery of the whole thing.     That God would place such importance on a tiny speck of dust in a 1,000000 oceans of dust and expect that the entire human race would be able to centre themselves on that speck to reach salvation just makes me cringe,  if I am honest.   Jesus was an enlightened man.   Part of the great consciousness that we all are.    It’s just some of us are more enlightened than others.    And the ones that have twisted that message to create the concept of Hell are despicable to me now.  I didn’t come on here tonight to rant about religion.   I suppose there is part of me that remains angry ,  that for years after my father died,  I believed that he went to hell – or rather he wouldn’t be in heaven.  I perhaps never really accepted hell.    So , in a way ,  my grief got contorted ,   lost ,  and such a long time has passed that I can’t go back and do it in the way that I now feel would be cathartic.  Partly the anger is at myself for never really questioning anything  ,   blindly just accepting and conforming.   But , I don’t remain angry for long.    It’s what I needed at the time,   it also taught me much about my own spirituality and in a way , led me to where I am now.  Which is a place of freedom and fluidity.

lunar eclipse
Photo by Johannes Plenio on


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