This was a rhetorical question asked by someone in my therapy group a long time ago. He was describing a bizarre scene where a friend of his was trying to ‘ cure ‘ him of his OCD. He was fastidious about raw meat , particularly chicken. His friend proceeded to lick a raw chicken breast to prove that he would’t get ill and that in fact the whole bacteria tale was over – played. His friend was indeed fine and it left him with the question in his mind , ‘ what am I not doing because of fear – what is fear stopping me from doing ? ‘ . I ponder upon this , as I recently changed my job. A job I loved , a team I couldn’t imagine not being with everyday . In fact , when we imagined moving away to the country , my job was one of those things that anchored me back from the dream. Yet , I left , not because I was moving area , but because a position came up and I applied . I was in a habit of doing this occasionally, usually for something that I was unlikely to be listed for , due to lack of experience and so a kind of cowardly application , safe in the knowledge that it wouldn’t go anywhere… However, this job, perhaps , I did have what they were looking for and I bloody got the job!
Such a powerful thing in my life. To leave , to go , to mourn, to transition and be troubled by doubts and regrets and to come out the other side , 2 months later , knowing that the decision was actually right , good and fruitful. Yet, I could have easily stayed , for years , like a few of the team members that I left. Safe . But it was fear that was holding me back . Fear of the wrong decision , fear of not being the expert , fear of not being needed. But I feel set free. There are certain things that only change and being brave can shift in you .
Reflecting , on my life, Bravery is one of my attributes. I have always been brave. But complacency can creep in without you knowing. You have to keep fresh , push yourself , challenge your ideas and reasons for things. Otherwise, you stop . And stopping
in itself is relatively harmless. But it also means that stagnation can set in.
But change also makes you intolerant of other areas of your life , where perhaps you thought you were happy and you aren’t. It can be a catalyst , in those areas where change will be difficult . Where those cobwebs have been building , where the darkness is festering . What do you do then? When that feeling of disquiet becomes a loud clanging in your mind. But it feels too messy , too painful to quell.