What are you avoiding due to fear?

This was a rhetorical question asked by someone in my therapy group a long time ago.   He was describing a bizarre scene where a friend of his was trying to ‘ cure ‘  him of his OCD.    He was fastidious about raw meat ,  particularly chicken.   His friend proceeded to lick a raw chicken breast to prove that he would’t get ill and that in fact the whole  bacteria tale was over – played.   His friend was indeed fine and it left him with the question in his mind ,   ‘  what am I not doing because of fear   –   what is fear stopping me from doing ?  ‘  .      I ponder upon this ,   as I recently changed my job.    A job I loved ,  a team I couldn’t imagine not being with everyday .      In fact , when we imagined moving away to the country ,   my job was one of those things that anchored me back from the dream.      Yet ,   I left ,  not because I was moving area ,   but because  a position came up   and I applied .   I was in a habit of doing  this occasionally,   usually for something that I was unlikely to be listed for , due to lack of experience and  so  a kind of cowardly application ,  safe in the knowledge that it wouldn’t go anywhere…   However,  this job,  perhaps ,  I did have what they were looking for and  I bloody got the job!

Such a powerful thing in my life.    To leave ,  to go ,  to mourn,   to transition and be troubled by doubts and regrets and to come out the other side , 2 months later ,  knowing that the decision was actually right ,  good and fruitful.    Yet,  I could  have easily stayed ,     for years ,  like a few of the team members that I left.   Safe .     But it was fear that was holding me back  .  Fear of the wrong decision ,  fear of not being the expert , fear of not being needed.   But I feel set free.    There are certain things that only change and being brave can shift in you .

Reflecting ,   on my life,    Bravery is one of my attributes.    I have always been brave.    But complacency can creep in without you knowing.   You have to keep fresh ,   push yourself ,  challenge your ideas and reasons for things.   Otherwise,  you stop .   And stopping

in itself is relatively harmless.    But it also means that stagnation can set in.

But change also makes you intolerant of other areas of your life , where perhaps you thought you were happy and you aren’t. It can be a catalyst ,  in those areas where change will be difficult . Where those cobwebs have been building ,  where the darkness is festering .    What do you do then?   When that feeling of disquiet becomes a loud clanging in your mind.  But it feels too messy , too painful to quell.

What then?

white chicken on a concrete pavement
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