Radical Acceptance ?

So , the Prime Minister is up tonight at 7pm,    as the nation waits with baited breathe to see what he will unveil!   The nation is clearly divided between those which want the lockdown to continue and those who really yearn for some freedom and normality.   The disputes , fights and discord online between these 2 groups are at the forefront of every swipe you issue.    Perhaps it’s the difference between those who like to control and subsequently also like to be controlled?   Or those who want to vent and spew , those who just can’t stand authority, those who can’t see past their own situations.     I think I am a mix of all of them.

I feel tired .    I wonder if it’s just the energy and anxiety at a macro level which is depleting me of energy.     I miss having my friends over without worrying about the corona police.    I miss my old job and the freedom.  There has been so much change.  I think change is exhausting in itself.

I drink  ,  smoke ,  eat ,  work ,  decorate and repeat.    I find myself in this little whirlwind  of life.   I am learning to take what I need and leave everyone else’s shit behind.    There’s so much time yet the days just fly by.

My mother drives me insane.   She’s at that age where she constantly repeats herself,   always shoving her phone in my face asking me what to do about so and so’s spam messages warning her that her account could be hacked.   Arguing with my husband about how much she feeds the dog ,   drinking all my wine.    I moved out when I was 19 to get away from her and here I am at 44 now living back in the same house with her.   It’s like having a 3rd teenager in the house ,   4th if you count my husband’s tendency to lean toward teenage behaviour ,   arguing with the kids about who ate all the icecream.   I used to have days to myself in the house.     I can’t remember the last time I was alone.

I seek solitude up the local common or my allotment.      I don’t know what I would do otherwise.    Sometimes I just want to run away to a little cottage in the country all alone. But then I would probably yearn for busyness!     I guess I have to just learn that new buzz phrase ‘   radical acceptance ‘  .    Bloody hell.



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