~Letting go of our ‘ boys’ ~

My son is 17 years old today.

He’s obnoxious , ungrateful  & entitled .

He’s also funny, affectionate & bold.

How did it happen that I am a mother to someone who is 17?    I blinked and I was 42.   Being 17 feels so long ago to me.    Time is such a funny thing,   it feels like age ago that I gave birth ,   I don’t recognise myself from that time anymore,     yet  our lives shadowed in the fall of eternity are just a tiny speck of dust in the universe.

There was a time that I may have been pricked with anxiety or unhappiness that he would be disappointed with his gifts,  or the amount of money that he received ,   that he would somehow love me less.   I am glad that this insecurity has left my heart,   it crept in a little this morning and I admonished myself,   his entitlement is pretty ugly ,  he needs to learn some thankfulness and humility ,    so a little bit of disappointment might be just what he needs.   What we give would never be enough to sate his ferocious appetite for stuff  .    How did it get so?

Today I relinquish a little bit of my hold on him,   on my own attachment to him.   On my propensity to still hold him hostage to being a child .    I will try to do this less.    From now on I pledge ,  he can make his own mistakes &   get  his own self out of bed.    If he’s late or doesn’t go to college then he can get a job and start giving me pocket money!

That is all I have to say about that.