It’s very joyful to say the word Fuck.

People come in and out of your life when you need them,    that is ,  if you are respecting your needs.       This month ,  I let down an old friend.    I just couldn’t face it.   I am learning to seek out only those people who I actually want to spend time with.   This sounds like an average thing for a person to do ,   but I haven’t been doing it I don’t think.  I have been going to things that don’t inspire me ,  nothing spectacular , just a night here or a lunch gathering there,    I go because I am asked and because I want to be a good friend,   or I want to show my face,  or I don’t want to be untruthful and say that I can’t make it when I can.    But lately.    I have been saying no  to those kinds of things.   And saying yes to the things that before I said no to ;   because I had lost who I was.

I am not talking about my old friend in this respect.   This was more to do with how little I wanted to commit and what effort it would take to go and see her.

But it is very emancipating ,    to do what the fuck you like,  in fact  ,  it’s very joyful to say fuck.

I haven’t  used the word fuck out loud for a long time.  This doesn’t count the times I have said it in my mind.   It’s as though all the years I have taught myself not to say the word fuck   ;  because it’s not right ,  it’s unholy,  it’s unnecessary,    now I am gaining back the fucks.

Oh fuck.  It feels good to be free.