People come in and out of your life when you need them, that is , if you are respecting your needs. This month , I let down an old friend. I just couldn’t face it. I am learning to seek out only those people who I actually want to spend time with. This sounds like an average thing for a person to do , but I haven’t been doing it I don’t think. I have been going to things that don’t inspire me , nothing spectacular , just a night here or a lunch gathering there, I go because I am asked and because I want to be a good friend, or I want to show my face, or I don’t want to be untruthful and say that I can’t make it when I can. But lately. I have been saying no to those kinds of things. And saying yes to the things that before I said no to ; because I had lost who I was.
I am not talking about my old friend in this respect. This was more to do with how little I wanted to commit and what effort it would take to go and see her.
But it is very emancipating , to do what the fuck you like, in fact , it’s very joyful to say fuck.
I haven’t used the word fuck out loud for a long time. This doesn’t count the times I have said it in my mind. It’s as though all the years I have taught myself not to say the word fuck ; because it’s not right , it’s unholy, it’s unnecessary, now I am gaining back the fucks.
Oh fuck. It feels good to be free.