Different tracks

Summer 2012 042

So ,  it’s the end of another weekend.   After years of working shifts;  nights, weekends,  earlys & latess , I still get excited and delighted that I get the whole weekend off!   I have also recently decided not to do anymore Saturday early overtime.   I feel such a sense of release,  I feel that God doesn’t want me to do this,   he will provide my family with all we need to live and if we have to go without things then so be it.

My life has changed so much this year,  this month!   I have started swimming,   I have been trying to find the exercise that suits me and I have finally found it,   I suppose that I always knew it,  I have always been a ‘ swimmer ‘  it just seemed like a lot of effort to get to the pool and undress when I could just walk out my door.  But now , I have incorporated 3 swims a week.  It’s getting dark in the evenings now,  so I have less time to walk my precious dog after work.

After starting a Paleo lifestyle in April,  I feel that I am finally reaping its rewards!   I remember the book promising me that I would feel amazing after 30 days,   more like 130 days,  but amazing I feel.   I’ve lost 3 stone,  I feel at peace,  I feel energised beyond belief , things that I used to resent in life,  I no longer mind doing.    I know that this is all tied up  in my release from my addiction of overeating and having found a far deeper relationship with my King , Jesus Christ,   But eating clean , lovely fresh food,   3 times a day ,  only till I feel full has had a profound effect on my well-being.    Mental , physical , spiritual and emotional.

Trying to spread this message of freedom to other fatties!

Well , the new term is currently full steam ahead! I actually love the Autumn term, it has the delight of a lot of family birthdays, which is expensive but fun! It also , this year,  includes my 40th! Which I am very excited about. It includes the wonders of Christmas, which I also love.

And this year , I am particularly buoyant , I am a different person to last year… I am free, I am peaceful. For once , this season isn’t about food, OK , my life didn’t REVOLVE around food, but in some respects I suppose it did. But now , I am in the middle of the 12 steps , for compulsive overeating , and I started these when I suppose I was already in a good place.   In a way , I have covered a lot of what the 12 – steps are about.   Self- discovery , self teaching.

So , instead of thinking about what food I am going to get out of an event, what delights I can stuff myself with , or contrary, how am I going to face the season on a diet? I’m supposed to be losing weight , what’s the matter with me … ? I AM FREE! I am free to enjoy food. I don’t stuff my face. I don’t turn up for a meal having eaten a load of crap already , I am HUNGRY! I enjoy the food, I TASTE it, I let it fill me up in a satisfying way and then I STOP! This is revolutionary. To the non- overeater , this would just be plain odd, this is naturally what a ‘ normal eater ‘ what do all the time… But for me , it’s a release from decades of imprisonment within the confines of food, diets , eating , meals , stuffing , fat , thin, happy , unhappy , weight on , weight off. It’s a bloody exhausting life being an overeater! So , reaching 40 and being released is a new lease of life! I am excited about being 40 – It’s a major turning point in my life, it’s when I start living , it’s about enjoying life, not the food that is in it. Enjoying people. Enjoying my family. Trying to spread this message of freedom to other fatties! Come join me , it’s a blast, it’s free, IT WORKS!

What I am struggling with , is why obesity is not treated the same way as alcoholism? Food addiction is real. When someone goes to the Dr and they are obese , there should be resources to direct them to Overeaters Anonymous. Just like this would be the first step of advice for an alcoholic. The message to eat healthily and to cut down on this or that is futile – if you are a true overeater , with a disease like me , you need help , which only God can give. Perhaps the NHS or other establishments fear the political incorrectness of directing people towards God. Well , too bad. HE is the creator of all things. Deal with it!

The world created abusers..

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How do I feel?      I ask my clients this , day after day , coaching them to get in touch with their emotions, trying to create a secure relationship between us, trying to get them to attach to me..

Most of my clients never attached to their mothers , their mothers were drunk, nasty , selfish,  absent , abused themselves  or just poorly and I wonder if,   in my little corner of the world whether I am making a difference in these peoples’ lives?

I come to work 5 days a week , from the cosy support of my reasonable functional (I say this with some sarcasm!)   family and listen to tales of really sad and sordid lives and think to myself,         My God.. what went wrong?       Of course ,    I imagine  My God would say , “well , this is human life, human choices, I gave you a blue print on how to live and mankind duly ignored it ”      but this doesn’t stop me feeling so sad for these people , some young women , not even out of teenage years, having seen life at its most obscene.. What chance have they got to see the beauty of God? Well , they are in my prayers.  It’s possible that noone has ever prayed for these people before, so there is hope , God can perform miracles at any time and with any person and I find myself knowing , with steadfast stubborness , that I am exactly where God wants me to be , and I ask myself , how do I feel ?  I   feel pretty self assured, I have the Lord with me, my job is his work and I love it.