Trying to spread this message of freedom to other fatties!

Well , the new term is currently full steam ahead! I actually love the Autumn term, it has the delight of a lot of family birthdays, which is expensive but fun! It also , this year,  includes my 40th! Which I am very excited about. It includes the wonders of Christmas, which I also love.

And this year , I am particularly buoyant , I am a different person to last year… I am free, I am peaceful. For once , this season isn’t about food, OK , my life didn’t REVOLVE around food, but in some respects I suppose it did. But now , I am in the middle of the 12 steps , for compulsive overeating , and I started these when I suppose I was already in a good place.   In a way , I have covered a lot of what the 12 – steps are about.   Self- discovery , self teaching.

So , instead of thinking about what food I am going to get out of an event, what delights I can stuff myself with , or contrary, how am I going to face the season on a diet? I’m supposed to be losing weight , what’s the matter with me … ? I AM FREE! I am free to enjoy food. I don’t stuff my face. I don’t turn up for a meal having eaten a load of crap already , I am HUNGRY! I enjoy the food, I TASTE it, I let it fill me up in a satisfying way and then I STOP! This is revolutionary. To the non- overeater , this would just be plain odd, this is naturally what a ‘ normal eater ‘ what do all the time… But for me , it’s a release from decades of imprisonment within the confines of food, diets , eating , meals , stuffing , fat , thin, happy , unhappy , weight on , weight off. It’s a bloody exhausting life being an overeater! So , reaching 40 and being released is a new lease of life! I am excited about being 40 – It’s a major turning point in my life, it’s when I start living , it’s about enjoying life, not the food that is in it. Enjoying people. Enjoying my family. Trying to spread this message of freedom to other fatties! Come join me , it’s a blast, it’s free, IT WORKS!

What I am struggling with , is why obesity is not treated the same way as alcoholism? Food addiction is real. When someone goes to the Dr and they are obese , there should be resources to direct them to Overeaters Anonymous. Just like this would be the first step of advice for an alcoholic. The message to eat healthily and to cut down on this or that is futile – if you are a true overeater , with a disease like me , you need help , which only God can give. Perhaps the NHS or other establishments fear the political incorrectness of directing people towards God. Well , too bad. HE is the creator of all things. Deal with it!

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Food will not dictate my life.

Being a recovering Overeater ain’t easy..

If you drink or take drugs , at least you can consciously stay away from those things , but when you have an addiction to sugar and have been a compulsive overeater for 30 odd years , things just ain’t that simple.

Last night I had a chinese , I ate too much , it’s not a crime to have a chinese, but for me it could be a slipperly slope. I realise now , that all the those times , those pivotal moments when you ‘ give up the diet ‘ are simply  moments of   relapse.     It’s just now , it has a name. It’s not just me getting fed up and thinking ‘ sod it ‘ , it is a relaspe from an addiction and an illness.

This morning , whilst cycling to work, I gave myself a lecture. I often imagine , what on earth people must think when I am yacking away to myself on my bike , but actually, I simply do not give a damn.   Talking to oneself while cycling or walking , or talking to God,      which is kind of the same thing   –    you’re either talking to yourself while God listens or you are talking directly to God.       I find both equally helpful when I am in the midst of negative thoughts and old pathways.

So ,  it essentially went something like this.. ” here you are, beating yourself up about some crisps at the weekend, having a chinese, and generally eating too much dark chocolate , is that all you can think about ? What about how you have changed your life over the last few months, become clean , lost 2.5 stones, reinvented your thinking, resolved to love the child that took on board too much negativity ? You have forgotton what you have learnt. You have empowered yourself so much that you have been struck powerless by what has always frightened  you , the fear that you can’t do it, the fear that you will always be fat , the fear that , you can’t change! “

So , on my journey through London’s hectic streets this morning , I gave myself some self love, I asked God to replenish in me my self control and desire to be greater for him.   I  tasked myself for the upcoming weekend and holiday period ;

3 questions to ask myself before food :

1) Have you prayed? (for mindful eating, slow eating & non compulsive eating)
2) Are you hungry ?
3) Is it nourishing for the body and mind?

And today , I do feel better. Slow recovery is all encompassing, time to learn , time to discover and grow and I need to remember that and not rush.

Food will not dictate my life.

Clear road ahead..

Yesterday I allowed myself a break from the norm..

The norm , amazingly , is now clean eating.  We had a little lunch do at work for a colleague who was getting married,  I had my prepared lunch (leftovers) with me and brought berries for pudding as my contribution.  However,   once I saw the array of bread , cheese , hummus , crisps, meats  & homemade muffins    I knew that I would ,  for lunch only  , put aside my strict regime to indulge in some shared eats.   And it felt healthly .  It was healthy to not be constrictive all the time , it was healthy to eat with people ,  it was healthy to learn to eat ‘ forbidden’  foods in a controlled way!      I enjoy eating clean   ,  I know that it is something that I will always need to follow relatively consistently,    for I am a recovering compulsive overeater & sugar addict.     Four months ago I was 16 stone.   I am now 13.6 stone.   And for me to say that this was a break from the norm is a massive step forward,   for I have moved from ‘  being on a diet ‘   to being normal,   to eating the way I want to eat.   It has taken 20 years to come to this astonishing place in my life, whereby I have learned to love myself so much that I want to give myself what I have always yearned for ,  a slim & light body  , which is at peace with itself.   And although I am  still on my journey ,  I can  see the road clearly…