It’s been such a weird day today. I worked on a psych ward for the first time in ages; with teenagers and I just felt surreal. I think coming from my own life where I am constantly fighting battles to be the best person I can be for my teenagers, it just felt slightly odd to be in that maternal role again but as a professional. I left my shift feeling a bit empty and sad. The fragility of the mind . I stood in the room of one young woman, moved from pillar to post all her life , she couldn’t speak , she was so lost in her own sorrow and hopelessness , I just stood talking softly about nothing much , for quite a long time. I think that perhaps has left me with this emptiness. That my small role today , most likely didn’t make a blind bit of difference in her tragic story . That my sense of omnipotence was put firmly back in its place.
I then spend the afternoon with my daughter, thankful for those relational moments, the sweetness of her laugh and trust in me. Sad at the shortfall of attachment to something good , for the lost girl on the ward – who languishes between child and adult hood, unsure of who will care for her next.