Food will not dictate my life.

imagesBeing a recovering Overeater ain’t easy..

If you drink or take drugs , at least you can consciously stay away from those things , but when you have an addiction to sugar and have been a compulsive overeater for 30 odd years , things just ain’t that simple.

Last night I had a chinese , I ate too much , it’s not a crime to have a chinese, but for me it could be a slipperly slope. I realise now , that all the those times , those pivotal moments when you ‘ give up the diet ‘ are simply  moments of   relapse.     It’s just now , it has a name. It’s not just me getting fed up and thinking ‘ sod it ‘ , it is a relaspe from an addiction and an illness.

This morning , whilst cycling to work, I gave myself a lecture. I often imagine , what on earth people must think when I am yacking away to myself on my bike , but actually, I simply do not give a damn.   Talking to oneself while cycling or walking , or talking to God,      which is kind of the same thing   –    you’re either talking to yourself while God listens or you are talking directly to God.       I find both equally helpful when I am in the midst of negative thoughts and old pathways.

So ,  it essentially went something like this.. ” here you are, beating yourself up about some crisps at the weekend, having a chinese, and generally eating too much dark chocolate , is that all you can think about ? What about how you have changed your life over the last few months, become clean , lost 2.5 stones, reinvented your thinking, resolved to love the child that took on board too much negativity ? You have forgotton what you have learnt. You have empowered yourself so much that you have been struck powerless by what has always frightened  you , the fear that you can’t do it, the fear that you will always be fat , the fear that , you can’t change! “

So , on my journey through London’s hectic streets this morning , I gave myself some self love, I asked God to replenish in me my self control and desire to be greater for him.   I  tasked myself for the upcoming weekend and holiday period ;

3 questions to ask myself before food :

1) Have you prayed? (for mindful eating, slow eating & non compulsive eating)
2) Are you hungry ?
3) Is it nourishing for the body and mind?

And today , I do feel better. Slow recovery is all encompassing, time to learn , time to discover and grow and I need to remember that and not rush.

Food will not dictate my life.

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